Guidance

Domestic abuse: recognise the signs

Published 26 June 2020

How to recognise domestic abuse in a relationship

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality or background.

Find out about help and support available to you if you or someone you know feels at risk of abuse.

If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you might be in an abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse

Does your partner, or former partner, ever:

• belittle you, or put you down?
• blame you for the abuse or arguments?
• deny that abuse is happening, or play it down?
• isolate you from your family and friends?
• stop you going to college or work?
• make unreasonable demands for your attention?
• accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
• tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
• control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other essential things?

Threats and intimidation

Does your partner, or former partner, ever:

• threaten to hurt or kill you?
• destroy things that belong to you?
• stand over you, invade your personal space?
• threaten to kill themselves or the children?
• read your emails, texts or letters?
• harass or follow you?

Physical abuse

The person abusing you may hurt you in a number of ways.

Does your partner, or former partner, ever:

• slap, hit or punch you?
• push or shove you?
• bite or kick you?
• burn you?
• choke you or hold you down?
• throw things?

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, whether they’re male or female.

Does your partner, or former partner, ever:

• touch you in a way you don’t want to be touched?
• make unwanted sexual demands?
• hurt you during sex?
• pressure you to have unsafe sex – for example, not using a condom?
• pressure you to have sex?

If your partner, or former partner, has sex with you when you don’t want to, this is rape.

Have you ever felt afraid of your partner or former partner?

Have you ever changed your behaviour because you’re afraid of what your partner, or former partner, might do?

Support a friend if they’re being abused

If you’re worried a friend is being abused, let them know you’ve noticed something is wrong.

They might not be ready to talk, but try to find quiet times when they can talk if they choose to.

If someone confides in you that they’re suffering domestic abuse:

• listen, and take care not to blame them
• acknowledge it takes strength to talk to someone about experiencing abuse
• give them time to talk, but don’t push them to talk if they don’t want to
• acknowledge they’re in a frightening and difficult situation
• tell them nobody deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what the abuser has said
• support them as a friend – encourage them to express their feelings, and allow them to make their own decisions
• don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they’re not ready – that’s their decision
• ask if they have suffered physical harm – if so, offer to go with them to a hospital or GP
• help them report the assault to the police if they choose to
• be ready to provide information on organisations LINK that offer help for people experiencing domestic abuse

If you are worried that a friend, neighbour or loved one is a victim of domestic abuse then you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free and confidential advice, 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.

If you believe there is an immediate risk of harm to someone, or it is an emergency, you should always call 999.